Hypnotherapy part 3

Evening all, it's been a week since my last hypnotherapy session with Sally (http://www.sally-stubbs.com) and i feel it is right to continue my series of blogs about my experience.

In my last installment i had resolved the larger issue of my 9yo self being stuck in a T1 memory, and whilst this had improved things, i had started to feel super anxious & suffering dry heaving. Sally thought that there was possibly another T1 memory to resolve, which had been hidden by the initial problem.

I spent a week pretty much afraid to do anything, the dry heaving was coming on at the merest sign of anxiety, and i honestly thought, at times, that i'd made myself 10x worse than before!

Alas, the day came for the 3rd session, but instead of worry & nerves before the session, i was really excited to be there, and to move forward towards the goal of a better future. 

I had been using the video (http://youtu.be/KTC6DPbY4hk) which had helped me discover the issues for previous sessions, but to no avail. I couldn't find or focus on any particular memory that would explain the new anxiety. 

So Sally approached it differently this time. Describing a restaurant, a meal and the environment surrounding them had me instantly anxious, as eating out - even the thought, was enough to trigger the negative thoughts, and subsequent reaction. 

Since the first 2 sessions however, there was no cognitive response, no fear in my mind, but there was still the physiological response. The hot flush of adrenaline, the shakiness, and the immediate need for the bathroom. 

Suitably anxious Sally asked me to locate the anxiety. As often the case with me, in my stomach! Then she asked me what shape or physical presence the anxiety took, and to draw my stomach and draw on the shape and location of the anxiety within my stomach.

My anxiety was a flat 'disc' though not perfectly round, like a liquid boiling within a liquid (cant explain any better) and just below the top of the stomach, blocking the rest of my stomach. 

Next she asked me to 'zoom' in on the disc, to what the colour was (reddish/purple) and what was on the surface. Now, bear in mind each person interprets things differently, and my imagination is pretty wild at the best of times!

On the disc were hundreds, thousands of little warriors all line up chanting and thrusting spears towards me (imagine the siege at helms deep in lord of the rings) Sally then asked me to search out what they wanted, which was to leave the disc and 'live' peacefully in what appeared to be a grassy meadow. In my mind therefore i built a bridge to this meadow, and off they went, nice and happy.

Back the disc and it was changing from the horizontal to vertical, and a space had appeared on the wall of my stomach to which it fit perfectly.

Obviously this sounds quite ridiculous, but i swear on my family the very second the disc was out of the way, my stomach instantly felt better than it had for years.

Once again Sally described the restaurant etc, and this time there were no effects or reactions.

This past week has been literally life changing. The negative thoughts (i can't cope, i will panic etc) are still there, as i have to retrain almost 10years of thoughts to positive! But there are no mental or physiological responses that lead to panic. I spent all day yesterday in different town and with eating out and only had negative thought, no upset stomach or needing to rush to bathroom, no blind panic to escape the situation, just a growing confidence.

Today Azja & I went for breakfast at a little café in Buttermere and again i had the negative thoughts that i am accustomed to, but i ate breakfast happily and rest of the day was relaxed and happy that i would not panic. 

Sally very kindly loaded her Confidence & Self Esteem course onto a memory stick for me too, as i have little to no confidence in myself, and think very little of myself anyway, especially after years of battling this affliction. I also have material to follow in order to disrupt my negative thought patterns, and have positive thoughts instead.

On the whole i feel great going forward, i need to learn now to trust that i won't panic in trigger situations and become confident at them again, until it is just life as it should be! 

I had 4.5 hours of therapy with Sally, opposed to 60+ with a pyschologist. 

I know now i will not need the pyschologist again, as in 60+ hours of therapy i never even gained 5% of the resolution i have now. 

I will hopefully stay in touch with Sally, she has changed my life for the better in ways i can't even begin to thank her for. 

And remember, there is no need to hide mental health problems. You are certainly not alone, and there is hope, i am now proof of that. For 10 years i have been afraid of nothing, but such a fear can be more debilitating than any of the physical illness i have suffered. 

Talk about it, get help, enjoy life.

Hypnotherapy Pt 2

Following on from my last post, about my first session with a hypnotherapist, this blog will focus on the 2nd session and the days following it.

We started by placing the pieces of paper for birth, future and panic around the room, though the positions from the 1st session were completely different. 

My 'birth' was at the back of the room, no longer in the window, my 'future' was inside the room right next to me, again no longer in the window. Panic (9yo me) had moved out from behind the desk and was making its way to the window. 

The new placements felt good, supporting the 'panic' and giving it a clear run to the window, freedom-resolution.

As i said in the 1st post it is the memory of the 9yo me that is the root of my panic as an adult, a memory that has become stuck in psyche that needed to be released.

As we worked through the session the imagery in my head was of myself as an adult, standing next to myself as the 9 year old, in a corridor leading into light. Both 'people' felt like they wanted to step into the light - resolution, but neither could take the first step without the other. I was in this 'place' for quite a while when it started to change, the corridor and light became clouds, with a pool in the middle, where we were laughing. The water started swirling and we went down through a pipe into another pool. This happened 3 more times, until we exited the 4th pipe and there was nothing.

I opened my eyes, and felt free i guess! The paper signifying the panic was no longer in the room (in my head) and i couldnt see it anywhere, it had been resolved. 

Once again i was absolutely worn out by the episode, and spent the afternoon chilling out in the sun with Azja.

It felt nice to be free, and when i tried to envisage my 9yo self in the hospital bed, i know longer saw a terrified boy holding the bed rails, i had rolled over to sleep.

The next two days felt great, and i was starting to believe that after all this time i had finally gotten rid of this affliction.

The Monday however, i awoke with alot of anxiety, on the plus side however, i didn't panic. The anxiety i felt was severe enough to have previously sent me into a massive panic, and whilst i had some of the phsyiological effects, they were kind of muted.

I went to work regardless and eventually started feeling more relaxed as the day wore on.

That evening i had planned to go for a meal with Azja, and i was determined to at least try. Bearing in mind that a morning that bad would have normally had me hiding for the rest of the day!

We went for the meal, and i was fine, better than fine, until the main course came, and then i began to worry that the hypnotherapy might not have worked. I didnt panic though, or have the usual 'get the hell out' anxiety.

After the meal we had to drive to Manchester Airport to pick up a friend, again a huge aske after the rest of the day, but it went fine!! I was feeling good!

Yesterday (Wednesday, i was feeling anxious for most of the day, about what i have no idea, it was just there.

Today i awoke and had the adrenaline rush associated with panic, once again it felt muted but it really got to me. I felt utterly useless and worthless, and generally fucked off with the world!!

I spoke to my hypnotherapist, fearing that  by resolving one issue, i had opened a shitstorm of other issues. 

Her explanation however made me see sense.

All along, it's not present day me that is afraid, it's 9yo me that has been afraid, now that he is gone, another memory has surfaced which is causing fear. 

The power of my 9yo self memory was such that this one was buried beneath it. Now i have to bring it to the surface & resolve it.

I hope beyond hope that this is the last one to find, but i will continue to find and resolve these issues, one at a time, until i am anxiety free. 

I have nothing but praise for my hypnotherapist Sally Stubbs, i've made huge steps already, and feel this will be the solution.

Www.sally-stubbs.com