We started by placing the pieces of paper for birth, future and panic around the room, though the positions from the 1st session were completely different.
My 'birth' was at the back of the room, no longer in the window, my 'future' was inside the room right next to me, again no longer in the window. Panic (9yo me) had moved out from behind the desk and was making its way to the window.
The new placements felt good, supporting the 'panic' and giving it a clear run to the window, freedom-resolution.
As i said in the 1st post it is the memory of the 9yo me that is the root of my panic as an adult, a memory that has become stuck in psyche that needed to be released.
As we worked through the session the imagery in my head was of myself as an adult, standing next to myself as the 9 year old, in a corridor leading into light. Both 'people' felt like they wanted to step into the light - resolution, but neither could take the first step without the other. I was in this 'place' for quite a while when it started to change, the corridor and light became clouds, with a pool in the middle, where we were laughing. The water started swirling and we went down through a pipe into another pool. This happened 3 more times, until we exited the 4th pipe and there was nothing.
I opened my eyes, and felt free i guess! The paper signifying the panic was no longer in the room (in my head) and i couldnt see it anywhere, it had been resolved.
Once again i was absolutely worn out by the episode, and spent the afternoon chilling out in the sun with Azja.
It felt nice to be free, and when i tried to envisage my 9yo self in the hospital bed, i know longer saw a terrified boy holding the bed rails, i had rolled over to sleep.
The next two days felt great, and i was starting to believe that after all this time i had finally gotten rid of this affliction.
The Monday however, i awoke with alot of anxiety, on the plus side however, i didn't panic. The anxiety i felt was severe enough to have previously sent me into a massive panic, and whilst i had some of the phsyiological effects, they were kind of muted.
I went to work regardless and eventually started feeling more relaxed as the day wore on.
That evening i had planned to go for a meal with Azja, and i was determined to at least try. Bearing in mind that a morning that bad would have normally had me hiding for the rest of the day!
We went for the meal, and i was fine, better than fine, until the main course came, and then i began to worry that the hypnotherapy might not have worked. I didnt panic though, or have the usual 'get the hell out' anxiety.
After the meal we had to drive to Manchester Airport to pick up a friend, again a huge aske after the rest of the day, but it went fine!! I was feeling good!
Yesterday (Wednesday, i was feeling anxious for most of the day, about what i have no idea, it was just there.
Today i awoke and had the adrenaline rush associated with panic, once again it felt muted but it really got to me. I felt utterly useless and worthless, and generally fucked off with the world!!
I spoke to my hypnotherapist, fearing that by resolving one issue, i had opened a shitstorm of other issues.
Her explanation however made me see sense.
All along, it's not present day me that is afraid, it's 9yo me that has been afraid, now that he is gone, another memory has surfaced which is causing fear.
The power of my 9yo self memory was such that this one was buried beneath it. Now i have to bring it to the surface & resolve it.
I hope beyond hope that this is the last one to find, but i will continue to find and resolve these issues, one at a time, until i am anxiety free.
I have nothing but praise for my hypnotherapist Sally Stubbs, i've made huge steps already, and feel this will be the solution.
Www.sally-stubbs.com
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